*this post is very close to my heart. and very honest. consider yourself warned... i won't edit this post. i won't take it down. if you find it offensive, stop and take a minute and figure out why you feel that way. maybe YOU are the reason I felt prompted to bare my soul in such a public manner. *
i have always thought that hatred was easy and forgiveness was the difficult part. having these awful feelings of hatred is so hard. i feel so burdened by them. i want to get rid of them. i know that i need to. but i just can't. not yet. i still feel so angry. i just want to lash out, but what good would that do? i hate deception and liars and thieves. there are so many kind of thieves in this world, ones that steal tangible items and those who rob your soul of innocence and peace. they are the worst kinds. if you don't know what i am talking about, count your blessings and keep on believing that the world is a good and peaceful place. enjoy your innocence. and pray that one day i can find peace again. i know it is possible and that time heals wounds. i know that the savior of the world atoned not only for my sins but for the sins of those who have sinned against me and my family. if i don't let that atonement work for others, how can i expect it to work for me? i know that the savior also atoned for my sorrows and my pains. i just need to hand the burden to my elder brother. i need to let his atonement work in my life. it's just so dang hard sometimes. my only peace right now is that justice will be met for the sinner, whether in this life or the next. i still have so much anger! :sigh: i'm going to sleep now, before i say something i regret. and the only thing coming to my mind right now... "pray for those who despitefully use you." i guess that's my answer. it is such a simple thing, but i KNOW it won't be easy. tomorrow will be a new day and hopefully one day closer to peace.
Sunday, January 06, 2008
hatred & forgiveness
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
6 comments:
Oh Meredith...I am so sorry that you are going through what must be a really difficult time right now. I don't know what has happened to you but all I can tell you is that I will say a prayer for you tonight and ask God to help you find the peace you are looking for. Hang in there sweetie, and email me if you need to talk. ((((hugs)))))
Oh wow, I hope you and your family are ok. I am very sorry, for whatever happened to you. I hope whatever you are going through will pass quickly for you. I will keep you in our prayers and hope you get the peace that you are in need of.
dear and precious friend, in my experience, I have learned that the primary person I poison by an unforgiving heart is me. I think you know this and are experiencing it because of how you are feeling in this post. the person against whom you have a grudge (and you have good reason!!) is rarely affected by it - and never by the depth to which you are. here's the key I found - forgiveness is walked out as an act of obedience, in gratitude and response to the atonement provided by Christ...whether it is accompanied by the FEELING or not (usually NOT!) My prayer has been many times: Lord, I do not FEEL like forgiving - no PART of me feels like it - but I believe MORE in your ability to cleanse, heal and soothe my soul when I follow hard at your heels than in the power of this sin to control my life. God is God of our past, present and future - he CAN heal and clean out our hearts from bitter roots and unforgiveness in a way that our minds could never comprehend and in a way our wills could never do alone. Blessings and hugs to you today~
just offering a virtual hug.
Mere, I'm not sure what you're going through right now. I think I have an idea, though. Either way, I came across this article a while back and I cannot tell you how helpful it has been for me. I've been through a lot with a few certain people... I've been let down by people I loved and trusted, who I thought loved and respected me. I keep going back to this article. It makes me feel better every time I read it. It might be worth checking out.
http://deseretbook.com/mormon-life/news/printable?story_id=8141
Love you, Mere!
chrissy, thanks so much for the article! i love it! i just skimmed it and will go back and read it more when i have a quiet minute, without kids crawling all over me!
Post a Comment